Calling Mr. Churchill

 

---

“Name.”

“Sir Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill.”

“Date of Birth.”

“November 30, in the year of our Lord…ah…ah…1924.”

“Are you sure about that?  I have here that you were born in 1874.”

“That is ridiculous, sir.  I would be…ah…I would be…over one hundred years old!  I would not be sitting here answering asinine questions.  No, sir.  I would be in a nursing home being spoon fed by my nurse, with Heaven’s harps lulling me to a dubious and enviably, salacious death.  No, sir. Without a shred of doubt, I would unquestionably not be sitting here if I were…ah…”

“140.”

“Quite. Well done.  I would not be sitting upright, sir, if I were 140 years old. That is unthinkable, sir, and unimaginably inaccurate and preposterous.”

“Okay. 1924 it is.”

“Excellent.  See here, young man, any falsification or modification of any legally binding document shall not, pursuant to the rules of the Sovereignty, affect me personally, professionally or spiritually,  nor hinder my application for employment.  And, sir, I stand firm on that principle, or so help me, we shall eradicate all offenders as exemplified by my service to God, Country and King…or Queen.”

“Okay. I think you would do well in a call center, Mr. Churchill…sorry, Sir Churchill.  You speak very well and that’s a plus for this kind of job.  Do you think you would be interested in this kind of work?”

“My appreciation, sir, for your accolades regarding my auspicious and ingenuous proclivity for the King’s English.  Now, what exactly is a call center?”

“This particular position is with a cell phone company.  You would be answering the phone and helping the customers with any questions they might have, typically concerning billing. You will be expected to use a computer.  What do you think about that, Sir Churchill?  Do you think that would suit you?”

“Computer? I suppose I shall bring along my secretary.  She has always been tip top at answering the telephone…tip top.  I would need an office for her in addition to my own, of course.  And I would need a liaison, naturally, to handle public relations and that sort of twaddle.

Now, young man, as for tea, I believe my secretary would know my preferences.  Most assuredly she will fail to recall  my fondness for a smidgen of Johnnie Walker in my tea.  You know, my mother was American and I do have a taste for coffee, first thing in the morning.  It is important that I have a  good cigar.  I  have a penchant for Royal Derby Longfellows–American made, you know.  I do rather prefer a Cuban.”

I would assume they would have a chef on board, or, at the very least, top notch caterers at this call center?  Will there be an automobile and driver, sir?  I can be very accommodating regarding the driver…well, let us allow my secretary to arrange all that….”

“You know, Sir Churchill, I believe this is not going to be a good fit for you.  Let me see what else we might have….”

“I am prepared to step up and take the Presidency, young man….”

*

Flash Fiction Challenge #32 at Thain in Vain
Prompt:  A celebrity of your choice (alive or dead) applies for a job and gets an interview.
Word Count:  506

*
Many thanks to Ms Thain at Thain in Vain for hosting Flash Fiction Challenge

 

Young Winston Churchill–Egypt