growing up lizard


Brown anole, male

What if karma matters and you do reincarnate?  What if your karma is left wanting, yet you are given a choice: reptiles/amphibians or armadillo?  Admittedly, you would say: “I don’t like my choices.  Got anything else?”

There’s no snowball’s chance in hell you’ll be given any other options.  Normally, the mammal would be your best choice.  Just stay away from Texas highways.  In Texas, Texans can drive 75 mph on two-lane roads. thereby greatly increasing the chance of armadillo fatalities. According to the Bureau of Roadkill Statistics, every 18.5 minutes, an armadillo is killed by a car somewhere in the continental U.S.   I don’t have to tell you that’s a lot of dead armadillos.

Amphibians would be a really bad choice.  What do you think your chances would be as a polliwog?  Right from the beginning of your polliwog life, your chance of not being eaten is about equal with the chance of the U.S. paying off its debts within 5 years.

That leaves lizards.  If there were Reincarnation Distributors making available for reincarnation only brown and green anoles–I have a lot of them in my yards. Decreasing daily.  These small lizards are at the mercy of many predators.  Also, they are cannibals.

Do I have any suggestions, advice, strategies for surviving?   Yes, I do.  Disavow reincarnation, i.e., consider a new belief system.  Now all of this raconter only pertains to those individuals whose Karma won’t buy them much.  If you were an anole in Florida, you would have to watch out for snakes, birds, Cuban tree frogs, other anoles.

Lizards don’t have brains similar to mammals.  Lizards have what is equivalent to brain stems. It’s all about instinct and simple responses to the environment.  They hunt and eat, copulate (the female lays eggs),  and sleep.  That’s it.  For those of you who have kids and bills; spousal issues and over-worked at your job and at home–it might sound pretty nice.  It’s not Club Med. Eating bugs and indulging in cannibalism would definitely put me off.

The two larger lizards that control the patio territory pay attention to me when I yell at them, Just this morning I yelled at one to put down the small lizard–to stop eating his own kind.  He dropped the small guy and then came over to where I was seated, sat on his haunches and stared at me.  A large bug came along and he grabbed it,  He didn’t eat it, but instead looked at me.  He ate it after I told him he could.  I wasn’t anthropomorphizing, I assure you.   Ever since I poked at him with my cane to stop trying to eat what could be his child, he stops when I raise my voice. I think he’s reincarnated. That brain stem couldn’t do that.

So, what have we learned today? Well, it’s very likely that some people have low-grade karma and have chosen the brown anole route.  Perhaps they weren’t even eligible for a mammal. We have also learned that these small lizards enjoy cannibalism.  When they are not eating their children, they eat bugs.  I went over what preys on the anoles, including other anoles.  And, finally, I discussed what they do all day and night to kill time:  survive.  If I have left something out please let me know.  I hit some damn key and lost half the post.  Hitting undo did not bring it all back.

Next time we will discuss some very interesting information which involves Erick, the angry Cuban tree frog and brown anoles.  It’s actually a philosophical/ethical problem.  Later, I will be posting the Royal Ascot Racecourse Week and all the strange hats for this year.

Have you fed your karma today?  Just don’t feed it your kids.

Some statements made and organizations cited may be the author’s imagination.


Brown anole, female




10 thoughts on “growing up lizard

  1. If, upon death, you are given a choice by the great reincarnator in the sky, to come back only as one three species, reptile, amphibian, or armadillo, and you choose the armadillo, what makes you think you can choose not to wind up in Texas?

    Have you ever considered a career as a lizard-tamer? Or perhaps a lizard-whisperer?

    • I am a licensed anole whisperer . I also speak Cuban so I can talk to the angry Cuban tree frogs. I’ve never been up close and uncomfortable with an armadillo. Sweetie, Texas is one big mother of a state. It’s easy to spot and therefore easy to miss. If everybody had sense enough they’d all choose to miss Texas. Lucy

  2. You crack me up – this was excessively amusing! So is the idea of you telling obedient lizards what they may or mayn’t do. I think I better work on my karma – the offered choices are not very encouraging…

    • You can take the armadillo option, just somehow make sure you don’t reincarnate in Texas. Hey, if you saw how he listens to me you would understand that I am the lizard whisperer. He dropped the little lizard when I yelled at him. Unfortunately they were up the trunk of mostly dead tree at the time so the little fellow had a bit of a fall, but he’s okay. Now he’s hanging around me. I have become the Lizard Queen.. Lucy

      • This is the stuffed rabbit thing all over again. I am the Lizard Queen around here. And the lizards are my subjects. Lucy

      • Those enormous monster snakes creeped me out. Lizards are reptiles. Amphibians require water at some pt during the day such as frogs

      • I can’t stand snakes. Anything to do with snakes freaks me out. I’m not fond of reptiles in general. It’s just that i hate to see the lizards eaten. Particularly by each other. Lucy

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